Latest Dating Tips
Possibly Maybe is committed to bringing you the most current, valuable dating advice each week. On this page you'll find articles on things like the latest dating trends, date conversation starters, or even advice on acceptable behaviour on a first date.
Breaking the rules
Tue, 24 Apr 2012
Do you know your own?
Rules. 5 letters but no matter how many interpretations, it essentially, holds the same meaning for most, and when a rule is broken, especially one of your rules, in life or love .. problems develop. But what if it didn't have to be like that? What if you didn't have to get so upset or angry when you felt somebody broke your rules? Well I believe you don't have to, and like with everything it just takes a different perspective.
Life is an incredibly complex experience, an experience that brings us so many overwhelming emotions. We have the ability to love, to hate, to cry, to laugh, to be angry, to let go. We are amazing beings - so why then, do we set ourselves up with our own rules to be let down so often.
You might not think you even have rules, but I assure you ... you do. Your rules are your beliefs about what has to happen in order for you to feel good or happy about yourself or the experience.
Let me give you an example. Say you're in a relationship, and in that relationship you believe (whether it is spoken or not) that for you to feel loved or know that your partner loves you they must do and say certain things, otherwise you don't feel loved. The list could be a mile long. It might include things like the following; they must say I love you a few times a day, they must text or call a few times a day, they must always check with you first before they make big plans, they must think that you're perfect as a partner. Now re read those rules. Do you feel they are realistic?
The above rules are set up for failure. At any point on any day, any number of these rules could be broken but at no point does it indicate that your partner loves you any less - it just means that your rules are unrealistic. To be fair, your partner will have their own set of rules which are more than likely just as long - but therein lies an even bigger problem, if you both have different sets of rules who's are right or wrong? The answer is both your rules are right, they're yours, but what can you do in this situation then? It's simple. You either need to start communicating very clearly what your rules are to each other or, get better rules.
Imagine, just for a second if instead of having a long list of specific things that has to happen for you to feel loved, it was as simple as ‘when I do something nice for them and they appreciate it, when I wake up to them every morning and go to sleep next to them each night, when we laugh together' .. Healthy relationships would have the above happen every.single.day, so how beautiful that you can feel loved just by changing the rules. That means that on any day at any time, you can feel loved because you and your partner shared a laugh together, because that morning you got to wake up next to the love of your life. And sure, maybe it is beyond frustrating when they leave their shoes laying around, or upsetting when you feel they don't talk to you as much as you talk to them, but it's not worth ever getting upset or angry over.
Change your rules to be more simplistic, make your rules broader, because feeling loved and happy is easy, it's up to you how easy you want to make it.
Life is already complicated enough without us adding extra rules that are unrealistic and that cause more pain than happiness. So let go. Change the rules, and see just how much more love and happiness you let in to your life.
I dare you.