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The 5 Love Languages
Thu, 07 Jun 2012
Do you know your love language? More importantly, do you even know what I'm talking about?
A few years ago I was given a book by a dear friend as he knew I had started a dating website and thought it might have been of use to me. I had never heard of it before but as soon as he explained it to me - I was intrigued. It was called ‘The 5 love languages' by Gary Chapman. In the book it explains that everybody has their own unique love language that falls in to 5 ‘languages' which are - Words of affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving gifts, Acts of Service and Physical Touch.
The book in a nutshell explains that everybody feels loved through their love language being ‘spoken' - or better put ‘acted out'. The best way I can explain this is to give you examples directly from the website:
Words of Affirmation
Actions don't always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, "I love you," are important-hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, "I love you," like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there-with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby-makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Don't mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous-so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an "Acts of Service" person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: "Let me do that for you." Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don't matter.
This language isn't all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face-they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
You see, we each have our love language that to feel loved, needs to be acted out by your loved one. My boyfriend could bring me home any sort of gift (which would be the love language of Receiving gifts) but if he didn't help out around the house or offer to make me a coffee for example (the love language of Acts of service) - I wouldn't feel as fulfilled or loved.
This whole thing might sound crazy, or your typical ‘girl v guy' kind of relationship, and if you want to call it that then fine, but at least realise that there could just be something to this and that your relationship could be taken to a new level of love and understanding by simply just finding out what your partners love language is and acting it out.
All i know is after getting to know what my love language was and my boyfriends the relationship got stronger, communication got better and understanding was improved.
I wanted this article to introduce you to the concept of love languages - I have only met a handful of people who have heard of it before but from here I want you to read and look in to it more. It's so so so beneficial for your relationships I cannot say this enough.
I dare you to do the quiz (you can do it here http://www.5lovelanguages.com/assessments/personal-profiles/?profiletype=singles) and find out which is your love language. Do a little more research on it and see for yourself just how much sense it actually makes and how much more fulfilled in a relationship you'll be once both your love languages are communicated.
Goodluck! I want you to get all that you need out of a relationship as more and hope this only takes your current or next relationships to new strengths.
Yours in Peace & Love xx